Unconditional Value in Affiliate Marketing Entrepreneurship

Dream, Goals, Action

Intro

Hi there it’s Dermot again, hope you are all well today. If you are contemplating becoming an entrepreneur and are embarking on affiliate marketing or thinking about doing so, just stop a minute and have a thought about why you are thinking about entrepreneurship and affiliate marketing, what are your expectations, how will you meet these expectations and are they realistic?

Affiliate marketing image
Affiliate marketing image

Why Affiliate Marketing

Let me elaborate on this. I knew absolutely NOTHING about affiliate marketing or even marketing online, I was totally ignorant. I saw a flashy add-onYouTube, signed up and went from there. Now normally I would always hit the “skip” button when ads came on, but this time I watched it to the end and took action.

My rationale was that it was January (the month of change) and I wanted to change my career and this looked like the sure thing or a great option at least.

Instant Money

Dollar Bills
Dollar Bills

Instant money, is what I thought. Now yes I was sold by the add, isn’t that what adds are supposed to do anyway, ”The Laptop Lifestyle” & my own greed.

 Once I got down to the nitty gritty and started to learn about affiliate marketing, and marketing online in general, I did start to realise that it isn’t instant easy money and despite all the disclaimers, which I chose not to look at, it is HARD work.

I am a person who has very limited internet and even computer skills

Options

Home Simpson Indecisive
Home Simpson Indecisive

I saw that I had 2 options:

 1) I could go down the advertising route, which is risky, very expensive, but can produce results fast, or

2) The Low cost route, which is much slower and requires a lot more time and work, and takes a lot longer to get results or generate leads.

Now at the time I had never heard of a blog, or video blog, or syndication, but I was soon to start learning how to, if I wanted to succeed in affiliate marketing. I didn’t have the funds to go down the advertising route, nor at the time did I have the “guts”.

My previous experience in marketing was limited also, so I wasn’t confident enough to even try advertising.

Finding my Niche

Niche image
Niche image

No matter what route you take, paid or low cost you have to find your niche. Now I’m not going to go into detail on this as the folks in SFM are the experts and will explain it much better. Simply put, who would your target market be “Avatar’’ and what gives you passion in life or what are you passionate about. It took me a long time to find my niche, and I may not have the best niche to monetize on (generate leads), but my heart keeps brining me back to that niche.

Setting up websites and all that other technical stuff

Wordpress logo image
WordPress logo image

All I can say on this is that for me it’s a working progress through trial and error. Yes there are unlimited resources out there to help, but I find that when I start to follow resources, I get side tracked, overwhelmed and lost.

Everyone is different, but I tend to just try “Figure Shit Out”. It’s slow but I am getting there, I think!!.

If you are internet literate already, then you have a flying start. My suggestion to you is learn a bit more about the internet so you are able to navigate your way around it with more ease, maybe even enroll in a course.  I have noticed within the SFM Community, that the people who already have a lot of experience on line, do progress much faster. 

Do not compare yourself to them though, as that is just where they are at.

You will find in the SFM training modules, becoming an effective marketer does take a hell of a lot more than just internet knowledge.

Training

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SFM is a state of the art training programme and they do have excellent easy to follow training modules. If I can follow them anyone can.

If you want to find out more about it, you will have to sign up and let the experts explain, it is free, initially.

Follow them module by module, don’t skip any and even if some of the training videos & webinars are very long, there is a reason for this, which you will only see if you stick to the programme.

What stood out for me is the humanistic side to online marketing.

Meta Story

Believe in yourself
You are enough

The first 2 modules work on your Meta Story. If you are familiar with the “Law Of Attraction”, then you should have some idea of what this is.

Everyone is different so it will have a different meaning to each of us.

I have been following self development gurus for years now, but I did find that following the SFM programme, really helped me look at myself from the inside out and strangely the gurus I had been following now for years did make more sense to me.

You have to allow yourself to have an open mind though and be prepared to challenge yourself.

If you feel you are not there now, just remember life is and always will be a working progress or journey.

Always remember it’s all about you, not others. This is Your journey, it’s not a race or competition.

It’s not about the product, it’s about the person

Adding Value

Every day we are bombarded with advertising telling us to buy, buy, buy.

We have become immune to it, it’s background noise. Do this, next time you are watching TV and the Adds come on, try to remember what they were about afterwards. I bet you can’t. They do though work on you at a subconscious level.

When you are on You Tube and you want to watch something, isn’t it really annoying when the Add comes on and you just can’t wait for the countdown to end to press skip. I know I still do.

I must be the most difficult person to sell to, but I still spend online, but I buy what I need and want, don’t we all? Why is this?

We buy emotionally.

Listen to your heart
Listen to your heart

Giving value will engage people at an emotional level

We have come to live in a very impersonal world, even with the medium of the internet and global networking. I don’t even know my neighbors!!. A generation ago we would have been living in each others’ houses.

The personal touch has all but vanished in society. I sit in my living room, as I’m doing so now, working on my laptop, my wife and kids are on their tablets or games, the TV is on and no one is talking.

We are social creatures by nature and do NEED social interaction to survive, We all need each other.

If you want to market, then you have to generate leads, to do that, you have to give value, to give value you have to build rapport. You need to be liked and trusted. It’s not about telling people what you think they need to hear, but build a relationship where they will like & trust you. Reach out emotionally, make them feel that you care and want to help. Ask yourself, what would make you feel good and feel valued, then copy that.

Patience & Consistency

Commitment image
Commitment image

The two things that SFM has challenged me on in life have been patience and consistency. I had neither, in any area of my life. I wanted it and I wanted it now & if that didn’t happen, then I gave up. This applied to exercise regimes, diets, studying, standing in ques, traffic jams……….

I have been with SFM since February 2018, and yes initially, as I’ve said before, I thought it was a get rich quick scheme.

Once I came to realise that it wasn’t and after I had purchased the training, I just had to accept that this is long term and has to be worked on consistently, every day & you have to make time to do so.

Why is this so for me, after giving up everything else?

Value, I invested in this, thus invested in myself, thus this has given me the incentive & motivation to continue and not give up.

My family think I’m nuts, working 2 – 4 hours every day for the past 7 months and have no tangible results yet (a sale), but look at Thomas Edison’s 10,000 attempts to create the light bulb. He never saw each attempt as a failure, but as a way not to do it the next time. It was a learning each time, until eventually he got it right.

I don’t allow myself to be disenchanted every day that I don’t get a lead, but more determined to keep at it and keep tweaking it until I eventually get it right.

A word of warning though, do balance your time and attention and DO NOT neglect other things in your life that are even more important, like your family.

Goal Setting

Goal Setting
Goal Setting

You need to set SMART Goals for yourself. Goals you feel that are achievable for you. I made the mistake initially of setting my goals too high ($1000 commission within the first 90 days) Now if you are doing paid advertising and really know what you are doing, then that can be done. I am not using paid advertising and I am learning as I am going, so it was far too high an expectation) A more realistic goal for me was to do a 90 Day video diary. Do daily goals, until they become routine or habit, like getting up early, exercising, meditating, an hour of online work, for example. Longer term goals are harder to measure, but it is still very good to have something to work towards – your dream. 

Online Support

I Love My Computer Friends
I Love My Computer Friends

SFM has a fantastic online Community, which supports and helps each other along the way.

This community is probably what has encouraged me to carry on when I felt like giving up at times.

Everyone in the community is in the same boat, trying to set up their own businesses and facing their own challenges and victories. It is great when we all share these with each other.

I was only new to it when I found out that my son had a possible heart condition and I needed to go private to get him seen quickly by a specialist. Now at the time the insurance would not cover the expenses. When I shared my story with my SFM group, they did a fund raiser for me. I was so touched by this, as people I hardly even knew where helping me. Fortunately my son was given the all clear after visiting the specialist consultant and we didn’t need further treatment. I didn’t need to use the funds, but still I was so moved at the love and compassion I felt.

My employer begrudgingly gave me the day off to take my son to see the consultant.

Sum Up

Call to Action
Call to Action

If you want to learn more then it’s best to listen to the experts. If you are skeptical, that’s okay, your allowed to, but do hear them out. My mentors’ Stuart & Jay, yes are business men & SFM is a business, but they do deep down have a huge passion and belief in what they do and do want to spread that passion and belief to everyone. Do yourself a favour and hear them out and then YOU decide.

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Momentum(ise) Yourself

Momentum

When I think of momentum, I think of a roller coaster, very slow to start as it climbs to the highest point and then gravity takes over and it runs at great speed until it comes to a stop at the finish. 

That in a nutshell is momentum, but we are not roller coasters, so what does it mean for us?

Like a roller coaster, to get to a point to achieve momentum, we have to firstly put in the work or take action, and keep doing so until we can sustain it on an ongoing basis. Once we have that, then we have momentum to keep going. How do we start?

Motivation

Sometimes its very hard to be motivated, you feel lethargic and just can’t be bothered.

I get up, on as many mornings as I can, at around 5:30 a.m. Not that I want to but that I need to. I don’t have the luxury of time on my hands, so I have to find time to work on my online business.

When I get up, I also meditate, listen to a motivational talk, do on line work and go for a run.

Research sais that the brain functions better in the morning than at night. Tell that to my brain. It needs multiple 5 second rule  (  Mel Robbins) kick starts to get going and that is after getting out of bed. Anyway normally when I get going it is good from there on, until I have to go for my run/walk in the park @ 6:45 am. Another kick start to get me out the door and on my way. Again once I have momentum I’m on a role and continue to do my run/ walk and even use the out door gym equipment. All good.

5-4-3-2-1-Go

So, if you get up, the rest will fall into place, well not exactly, you  have to still push yourself until you get a routine going and eventually a habit forms. Though it’s not easy to begin with, as many a morning, I’m tempted to stay in bed, making every justification my mind can come up with.

There are also times when I have 5-4-3-2-1- got up, gone down stairs only to doze off when doing my meditation!!

It is a working progress and rather than scold yourself for giving in, appraise yourself for trying and plan for tomorrow again.

Believe me I am the least motivated person I know and all through my life I had very little self discipline to start or stick to anything. Or so I thought, I did stop smoking and drinking, but that is because my need to also became a want.

Burn Out

Burn out
Burn out

It is also true that a lot of things that we have to do, like work, chores, exercise e.t.c., we never feel like doing. In most cases we go along with our feelings and talk ourselves out of doing these things. “I’ll do it later”, is the most common excuse and it leads to further emotional upheaval as we then begin to procrastinate and feel the dreaded GUILT. No win situation is it. So you have to ask yourself this question “Do I ignore my uncomfortable feelings, like lethargy now, and Just do it, or do I let myself feel guilty later” I know that, for me, lethargy is a much more comfortable negative feeling than guilt. Also when I do the task I do get a great feeling of satisfaction as I’ve been productive and finished the task (Goal)

Live Your Dreams

Never to old for goals
Never to old for goals

Non of us want to do things that we don’t like for too long, in fact it kills your spirit. It is extremely important that what we chose to do is something that is congruent with our wants, needs & feelings. In other words, what are you passionate about, what excites you and what would you enjoy doing forever. That is true momentum, as it is self propelling and you rarely get fed up. 

Once you achieve momentum, are enthusiastic about what you are doing, even if it is hard work, then routine and habit will eventually kick in and you will look forward to it. I’m sure you have your own example of when you start something the hardest part is the starting and once momentum has kicked in, it is easier. e.g. exercising.

In on line marketing if you don’t do what you are passionate about then you will eventually become disenchanted, overwhelmed and eventually give up. SFM can help you find your passion and your niche and help you with your momentum.

Sum Up

Call to Action
Call to Action

About moving forward, and when you are ready, then do yourself a favour and click on this link and meet my mentor’s Jay & Stu, and watch the FREE 7 day videos. What do you have to lose. They have great exercise in the training Modules that help you with your “Meta-story” and emotions.

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“Let-your-Emotions-Flow”

Can't Stop The Feeling
Can’t Stop The Feeling

Hi all you wonderful people in recovery from addiction. Where ever you are in learning affiliate marketing, you need to keep working on your “Meta Story”. Now this isn’t just about focusing on the positive only, but becoming aware of all your feelings. The reason that I am writing this now is that I’m actually feeling it right now, what may you ask?

“Let-your-Emotions-Flow”

We recently sold our camper van “Betsy”, and although I was insisting that we sell her, it did make me very emotional throughout the whole process from when the sale was agreed, which was quick, to the time “Betsy” was collected by the new owners, I was totally heartbroken.

Emotional Flow 8
Emotional Flow 8

Now rationally it made total sense to sell her- she was getting older, more expensive to maintain, and in the past year we hardly used her. I actually used to resent the thing, calling it a white elephant or the most expensive clothes line in Ireland, (we used to hang clothes on the bike rack to dry).

So where am I going with this?

It seems absurd to be so attached to a machine, doesn’t it?, but when reflecting on it I became more emotionally aware that it was the many loses all compounded on top of each other and “Betsy” was just the trigger.

How could this be?

Let me explain: The nostalgia of the memories associated with the camper van and our adventures and family time together, seemed to come to an abrupt end and that I feel is what affected me so much. My youngest son was only a baby when we brought the camper van, so he has grown up with her, he is now five and a half. Thus it is an end to an era, which in a way is a loss.

But realistically, I still have my family, thankfully nothing has changed there and strangely enough, this whole experience has made me feel more attached to them, as I realise just how much I love them and them me. I felt like I failed them by selling “Betsy” as my sons’ where also upset she was going. My wife has nerves of steel and she did all the negotiating and selling and handover, thank God for her as I don’t know if I would have been emotionally or mentally capable of it.

Now talking about the compounding losses, I’ve sold many other cars before, have had to put down pets and never felt as bad before, but I feel that is because I never allowed myself to properly feel my feelings or express them.

I lost both my parents, 7 & 8 years ago respectively and that was the hardest time in my life, as although I lived far away from them, we were always a close family. I thought over time I had grieved their loss, but I now find that maybe I haven’t fully yet. Maybe I still have a lot of grieving to do, and maybe I always will.

So is it okay for me to feel my feelings or am I just being sentimental? I spent 21 years of my life running from my feelings and drowning them in alcohol, so for the past 15 years I’ve only been getting to know my own feelings, for the first time. A lot has happened in the past 15 years both positive and negative, I lost my parents, but I got married and have had 2 amazing son’s. I have both lost and gained in my life.

I am nostalgic by nature and I have let that nostalgia give me a lot of pain in my life. I was once told “Nostalgia is the arthritis of the mind”, maybe that is right, but I have to let it go. I cannot repeat the past, what is gone is gone, all we all have are the memories. I need to cherish those memories and not spend my time longing for them to come back, as I can’t. As I said already, maybe the core reason for my upset is that I haven’t fully grieved my parents and maybe I never will.

To wind up this long winded blog, what has come to my own awareness is that it’s okay to feel how I feel and express my feelings, both happy and sad. In fact if you want to create a great “Meta-story” then you have to acknowledge both good and bad feelings, feel those feelings (for as long as it takes) and then let them go. So please I can’t emphasis enough to you that if you are to learn to be an affiliate marketer, get in tune and in touch with ALL your feelings and just let your Emotions Flow, until they can flow no more. The release will be absolutely incredible and you will be set up to move forward. When you process your negative emotions, you leave room for more positive emotions.

Call to Action
Call to Action

I am learning as I am going and although I am in recovery a long time, this journey with SFM has made me look at myself, where I am at and where I want to be. Having goals is great but dealing with the past and even present is so therapeutic and it will allow you to acknowledge & accept how you are feeling, have a good cry if you need to, and then let go and move on. 

About moving forward, and when you are ready, then do yourself a favour and click on this link and meet my mentor’s Jay & Stu, and watch the FREE 7 day videos. What do you have to lose. They have great exercise in the training Modules that help you with your “Meta-story” and emotions.

This link has a great technique on how to let go of your emotions:Grief – letting emotions flow

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How Are You? Fine!!, really?!

“How are You?” – “Fine”

Fine Blog 1
Fine Blog 1

Don’t we ask and answer this question all the time. It is almost an automatic question, with an automatic answer, It is habitual.

But do you know, it has no meaning or substance. “How are you?” is an open question which could be answered with one word, like “fine or grand(as we say in Ireland)”, or you could tell a “whole life story” as the answer. 90% of use the shortened answer of “Fine”.

What is “Fine”, it definitely isn’t a feeling, is it a state of being? Who knows. I know that if your dog poops on the street, you will get a “Fine” for that and I’m sure you won’t feel “Fine” then, will you?. If you look up the definition of “Fine” in any dictionary, you will see many meanings for fine, but none are a feeling.

“FINE”

Fine Blog 3
Fine Blog 3

F@”Ked up, Insecure, Neurotic & Emotional

I’ve seen the above definition out and about in my travels, and it does depict the word beautifully as most people who say they are “Fine” are not.

Whoever is, we are humans and we always have something  going on, be it past, present or future. It’s called life and some days we feel great, and everything is running smoothly, others we feel shit and everything we do is a disaster and on other days we feel a bit of both.

So why do we cover it up and say fine, when we know that how we are feeling is either great or terrible. What is the cover up?

In my society, people have been told from childhood not to hang out your dirty washing or never show your true emotions to others “Emotions make you weak and vulnerable”. “Only girls cry”, “Don’t laugh too loudly as they might think you are mad” or you might draw attention. God forbid!!!.

Using Fine or grand is also a subconscious cop out or an avoidance to really say how you are feeling. Again this is for the reason above, conditioning, but also fear of being judged. Why & Who?

I can’t really answer that as that was previous generations, life was harder then as it was survival of the fittest. If you wanted to just get by you had to be tough and to be tough, you kept your guard up. A lot of people lived in terrible fear, but never expressed it.

“FINE”

feelings image
feelings image

Attitudes are changing

Thankfully that archaic Victorian behaviour and attitude is beginning to change and people are beginning to accept emotions as being normal and even expressing them as healthy.

In our modern age, people are a lot more open minded now than in the past and no one will judge you if you broke down crying. They might be a bit overwhelmed and not know what to do but initially they will be compassionate, maybe even give you a shoulder to cry on. When someone is excited and is celebrating something, is it not better to celebrate with them, doesnt that make you feel great. I know I do. If someone came to me and I said in a monotone voice, “I won the Lotto”, they would think there was something wrong with me!!. I would be jumping up and down with joy. That is being human, and that is what we are.

The worst part of using the word “Fine”, is that we internalize the meaning and then numb our own feelings or responses to ourselves. It’s ironic how we can become frustrated with other people who openly express their feelings, either good or bad but do it to ourselves ALL the time.

Sum up

Call to Action
Call to Action

So if you use “Fine”, then you accept mediocre, and accept your status and place in life. Remember nothing is “Fine”, its either fantastic or shite, but thats okay and its okay to feel that way and also to express your emotions, both good and bad. Get out of that damned Comfort Zone, you’ve lived in all your life as when you allow yourself to do this then you become more confident, outward focused and courageous.

So if you are starting to feel courageous, I challenge you to break free from your “Fine” life, take  yourself out of your comfort zone and follow me by watching My Mentors deliver a FREE 7 day video. It could just change your life, or even your own self outlook.

Hope to see you on the other side

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Six Figure Mentors

Here is a little bonus you MUST watch: Its a TED Talk by the amazing Mel Robbins, and is very insightful – so enjoy

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“Reject Rejections”

Rejection Blog 1
Rejection Blog 1

Reject Rejections

When you are starting up an online business or anything new at all, there is nothing worse than rejections. We all have experiences of other people saying to us “It won’t work”, “It’s already being done, so you missed the boat”,You don’t have enough, knowledge or experience”………. Just hearing all this negativity is enough to make anyone be full of self-doubt and self-rejection.

Overwhelmed

I know that in my short experience online I’ve beaten myself up more than enough. On many occasions whilst writhing in self-doubt, I’ve almost given up and called it a day. I have agreed with the skeptics and almost said, enough is enough, I can’t do it.

However, just as I was about to throw in the towel, I’ve had to stop myself and think, whoa there, what am I at. Have I not been down this road on other occasions in my life. What has been my previous experience when confronted with a challenge or a challenging situation. I’ve run away or stopped in my tracks. 

One thing that this journey I’ve engaged on with SFM has made me aware of is that I have always rejected myself. For as long as I can remember, I didn’t really need anyone to do it for me.

Self Rejection
Self Rejection

Life Experience

We have all experienced rejection through many life experiences, like asking someone out on a date and being told NO or applying for a job or even attending an interview, only to be told NO, if you’ve ever worked in sales, I’m sure you have been told NO many times. It’s a terrible feeling and it really does knock your own self-esteem, you even begin to question yourself and abilities and even start to say to yourself: should I have even put myself in that position to feel humiliated in the first place, who am I to think they would say yes in the first place.

So have you been rejected by someone else or have you rejected yourself? Think about it, did you get the date, or job, then lose them? NO, you never had them in the first place. You lost nothing.

Do you feel resentful towards the potential date or employer because they said no? YES

Do you think they care? NO

Will they lose any sleep tonight for turning you down? NO

Who’s humiliation are you feeling? YOURS

It was never about them but was always about you, so don’t take it personally, it’s not you but them.

Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul) states that “Rejection is a myth” mainly as your world didn’t come to an end all because someone said no to you. Ask in return “What would have to happen for you to say yes?” You will find not much really if you just ask.

 

Rejection 4
Rejection 4

Now if you are in recovery from addiction, which I assume you are or else you would probably not be reading this, then I’m sure you can also relate to this ongoing feeling and behavior of self-rejection and being a failure. So you are not alone, there are a lot of us in the same boat, so what to do now?

Progression

Well, firstly however long you are in recovery and on your online journey, then know that, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times, you are making progress. No matter what you do you are moving forward, even if it’s at a snails’ pace. If you think otherwise then you must not be human….. it’s what we do, we are in a constant state of progression.

Call to Action
Call to Action

Goals vs. Dreams

If you truly are passionate about your dreams and have made it (them) your life goal, then you will build your own resilience to effectively reject any rejections.

How do we do this? Well, we all dream and it’s great to dream, as that is where our passion comes from. However, we don’t live in a fairy tale and dreams on their own will not come to fruition without action or “Massive Action” as Tony Robbins says.

How do we take action? We set goals for ourselves. Goals are just “dreams in action” and when we create SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic & timed) Goals, we make our dreams that bit more real. Once we have that focus, it becomes harder to feel rejected, especially if you are taking action and working towards your goal. Remember however to make your goals achievable and within your reach, as there is nothing worse than raising the bar too high and not being able to achieve them.

Instant Gratification

We live in a world of instant gratification, everybody wants and expects it NOW. The internet enables this, just look at how search engines work, instant results. But what is a contradiction with the internet is that you need to practice and learn how to be very patient if you decide to content market online. In fact, if you don’t you will feel rejected.

How do we practice being patient or learn to let go of impatience? I use Gratitude and focus on what I am, grateful for in my life and what I’m grateful for today. Gratitude is an extremely powerful tool, feeling, expression and it works a dream. When I am full of gratitude I never feel any of the other negative crap, like rejection.

Forgiveness/ Self-forgiveness

Now yes, you might be wondering what the hell has forgiveness got to do with rejection? Just read the attachment and you will understand:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. 

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. 

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. 

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten. 

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. 

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. 

It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa

 

 

Sum Up

So going forward, when you think or feel that you are being or have been rejected by someone or something, just remember, it wasn’t about YOU, but them. Everyone has their own opinion and perception, even you, so let it go and “Reject Rejections” and move on.

What is more damaging to the self is self-rejection. When you feel this coming on, don’t focus on what you haven’t achieved or have to do, but look at how far you have come and all the good things that you have already in your life. When I’m beating myself up and feeling like the World is against me, I just think of my family and it cheers me right up again.

So go now and pat yourself on the back for a job well done and do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. So If you want to get a taste of an affiliate marketing laptop lifestyle, then I invite you to click this link, watch the 7 Day FREE video series and let my mentors, Jay & Stuart talk you through the A to Z of SFM and how affiliate & internet marketing works.

Hope to see you on the other side.

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“I just opened my eyes”

serenity prayer 1
serenity prayer 1

“I just opened my eyes”

I DO believe in the Law Of Attraction, as I do believe that it works, even by default, so its very important for all of us to up the anti and heighten our own self awareness and belief to make ourselves happier and hopefully our World a better place, if not for us but those to come.

Why? Self-Development of course!!

Well, an area I’m really passionate about is Personal development. In this, I mean emotional and spiritual development.

I suppose as I am in recovery from alcohol this would be something that would have attracted my attention when I first got into recovery.

In the beginning:

Starry night 2
Starry night 2

God or the Universe in all perfection, created each and every one of us as a completely unique being. In other words WHO you are, is exactly WHO you are meant to be.

You were created “In God’s image”, by the ultimate high good. End of case……but…….then why are we so desperate and constantly trying to improve on creation.

Devine Perfection:

If you take a look at nature, everything fits, everything is perfect and works as it should be. Nature is fine-tuned and works like clockwork, every Ying has its Yang, up has its down and North has its South.

You couldn’t match it and you couldn’t improve on it, no matter how advanced science gets. Whenever I watch David Attenborough on BBC I am always in awe just at the beauty and power of nature and how it just works.

Having lived in Zambia I saw nature at work with my own eyes, and I can never tire watching an African sunset.

Self-destruction:

I know this heading goes against the title, though we are a part of nature, and I always wonder if God, or whoever created us, knew exactly how we as a species would turn out, would they have even bothered.

We have done more damage to this planet than any other species, the term parasite comes to mind.

Is trying to better ourselves leading us and the planet to our doom, the evidence is there, just look at Climate change, Global warming, Extinctions on the increase……..the list goes on.

Balance:

The Universe though is all about balance, what you put out is what you get back.

Awareness and Global consciousness are on the increase, despite the insanity and chaos of our modern societies, and I believe it is part of our evolution as a species, it has to be.

We cannot continue down the path we are going and as we are growth seeking beings, lying down and dying is just not an option to us.

Fight or flight is instinct and we all have it and have a desire to survive, if not I’m sure that nature will step in and make the necessary changes, as the planet also wants to survive.

Spiritual:

Spirituality 1
Spirituality 1

You & I are “Spiritual beings having a human experience” and are inherently good.

No baby was ever born bad or evil, babies are pure Love. We came from a state of pure love, so it’s not a strange concept to return to that state.

You don’t have to die first either to experience this Unconditional Love, we all have it and feel it.

Evolving:

As I mentioned already, you & I are growth seeking beings thus we are constantly evolving like the whole planet is.

This is not a physical evolution or a mental one, but a conscious one. Our awareness of self and everything around us is expanding.

Spirituality has been around for as long as mankind so it’s not a new concept, though it’s not religion or dogma either.

Society has been controlled throughout its whole history and still is, but independent thinking is on the rise and with this people are beginning to take a look at themselves, not in a bad way, but looking at the potential each and every one of us has internally.

We have been led by society for so long that we have all been made to think inside the box and conform, or else….

Enlightenment:

Throughout history, there have been enlightened people, Lao Tzu, Buddha, Jesus Christ, Mohammad, and countless prophets, saints and sages.

These people enlightened their followers at the time but more so now in the 21st Century. Many during their time were persecuted and even put to death for their enlightenment, ironically it was due to their untimely deaths that we still follow their messages today, or they might have vanished into obscurity.

When I read or hear of their enlightened messages, they are all for our own good and for our own growth. Some of these writings are thousands of years old, had society back then embraced Taoism, or teachings of Buddha or the Gospels then could society have been different today?

Could you imagine if meditation was the first subject in school, or self-acceptance and development where key subjects like Maths and English?

Blame & Excuses:

superthumb
super thumb

Society does blame and make excuses for everything. It is always someone or something else’s fault. “I can’t because…..” you fill in the space. “If they/ my situation changes, then I will”. “It’s far too hard”.

You & I have it all wrong, we have got it back to front and lived by that mantra for so long, that it is engrained in society. Just look at politics, one big blame game and when things go wrong it is always the other guy.

Responsibility

Aspiring to change the World and everything around you will just lead to extreme frustration and just won’t work. It never has and never will.

The only people who got other people to do things that they didn’t want to, were dictators and bullies.

If you want to change you have to start with yourself first. You have to look within and not nitpick on what’s wrong with you, (society has done an excellent job at doing that), but what is right with you.

Why

All good, said and done, but every ancient teacher, prophet, saint, and sage did just this. They didn’t have supernatural powers, just incredible inner belief, and faith in themselves and even the goodness and potential of mankind in their hearts. If their lives where so enlightened, then why not just enjoy it, why did they go out and write and preach this enlightenment?

You can’t keep it unless you give it away. That is the message and that is the gift. If you are selfish and greedy, yes you might get financially rich, but you will never feel content or happy and your value will be on what you have, not who you are.  

How

Instant gratification is what today’s society tells us, to see it, to want it, to have it, NOW.

We have become insatiable creatures with very little gratitude for what we have. You look at a child, he sees an add on TV for a new toy, he nags you until you get it for him, then a day later he has forgotten about it. Sounds familiar, we all do it and the advertising industry know this, that’s why we are bombarded with ads telling us that if we don’t have their product we are incomplete.

On the other hand, fear is used to manipulate us, Lies and bullshit. Happiness is and always has been an inside job and you & I are responsible for our own happiness. We do not need anyone else to make us happy, but we do need help to get us there.

Conscious Awareness

You & I are blessed in the 21st Century that we have free speech and freedom of thought as there are hundreds of modern day self-help guru’s with thousands of different methods to enable self-enlightenment.

Although many of the approaches are different they all have the same common theme: to help us look at ourselves and unlock the immense potential that we have within us. To make us better, happier people, isn’t that what everyone wants, no matter what the method is.

Law Of Attraction

My personal favorite is the Law Of Attraction or as some know it as the “Secret”. It is a very simple and powerful ideology “What you put out is what you get back”, but very hard to consistently do.

It takes a lot of persistence and patience, but with action, it does work. I will be writing more about this Law in further blogs, as like you I’m also on this journey and will be on it for the rest of my life.

It’s not the destination, but the journey that is enlightening.

To Sum Up

Everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time.  although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default.

It turned out well for me, but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better, and it still can…..

 

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Call to Action

I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind). The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through on line marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum. If you want to learn what I am learning and are in a point in your life where you want to change, then I offer you, through my mentors, a no obligation FREE 7 day video series to watch.

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“Blame and Excuses”

Pointing the finger

Blame
Blame

Blame and Excuses

“Passing the buck” is a learned behavior, linked to our fight or flight response, which does eventually develop into a habit over time. As kids, we used to blame and made excuses as a defense mechanism, so as not to get into trouble when we had been naughty or done something wrong. The rest so to say is history.

Excuses blog 1
Excuses blog 1

Hi there it’s Dermot again, I found myself going down this road lately, fault finding, blaming and making every excuse under the sun. The worst thing is that I wasn’t fully aware that I was doing this, but I did feel out of sorts. I downloaded Mel Robbins’ Kick-Ass, audiobook, for some subconscious reason and she did just that: Kick my Ass.

Excuses blog 3
Excuses blog 3

Well now as I am awakening and have reigned in a lot of the “poor me”,” give up”,” never again”, “I can’t do it, it’s too hard”, “it’s all their fault”, “why me…….” Thought processes, and do feel better for it. I’ve taken on board the tactic of naming my negativity “Diana”, which is a name my sister gave me as a child whenever I was crying or went running to my mummy. I hated that name and it was the first of many nasty nicknames I had in my life. So when I catch myself starting to head down the road of  “blame and excuses”, all I say to myself is “Shut the F**k up Diana”, & it works.

Let’s look at “blame and excuses”. An excuse is just a blame justification, for example: “I can’t do online marketing as I am not tech savvy”. I’ve used this a thousand times, every time I get overwhelmed or am confronted with a technical difficulty. It’s a great cop out and initially, yes I’m emotionally frustrated with my computer, the internet etcetera, then I feel justified that it is too hard and only a genius or geek could do it. Then in a short period of time, my feelings change to a bit of guilt, and silliness as I know that once my tantrum is over, it is actually something that can be learned and it is doable if I ask for help. When I do figure it out, I think “What was all the fuss about anyway” Fight or flight is over, adrenaline has settled and end I up laughing.

That process can take as short as 5 minutes or might last longer, where the overwhelm gets too much and I turn off the computer, quite aggressively. But during it, my emotions can spike, on many a night my wife has been looking at me quite perplexed whilst I’m trying to develop a website and says to me “whatever you are doing stop it as it is turning you into an irritable grump”. She is right as I do get irritated and it becomes everything and everyone else’s fault, even her. “Calm the F***K down Diana”, is what I need to say to myself.

Responsibility Blog 2
Responsibility Blog 2

When things go wrong or not to our liking the last thing any of us want to do is to take responsibility.

Why?

Because we don’t want to face the consequences or take the blame.

Why?

Because we are afraid.

Because from a young age, we knew that when we did wrong we were punished for it. So it was a lot easier to blame others or make an excuse for it. When we were kids we used such excuses like “The dog ate my homework”, “It was the boy next door”, “I didn’t see it”, this progressed in adulthood to “The traffic was terrible”, “I had a flat tire”, “The train was delayed”, and so on and so forth. We all have our own examples. If you have become co-dependent like me, taking responsibility can be very fearful at first and is always preceded by massive self-doubt.

We normally make these excuses to avoid judgment, but they do not make anyone feel good as they are a lie, in most cases.

When blaming becomes a full-blown habit, you might not even be aware that you are doing it.

For example, you are driving down the road and you hit a speed hump. Straight away you blame the speed hump and how can anybody be so stupid to put a speed hump there, then you blame the council for that.  It would be a lot easier just to say, I should have been looking where I was going and slowed down. But no, we only do that on reflection after the event. Our initial reaction is to immediately find fault, to try our best to justify our own negligence and even make sense of it.

Only someone who is really enlightened will admit at the time and say, I should have been paying more attention. The legal industry makes a living out of our need to blame and point fingers.

Another example is politics. Watch any session of parliament on TV, and that’s all it is, blame, blame & excuses. No one is willing to take responsibility.

“Blame and excuses” are a cop out, but it’s not that you get away scot free. When you blame and don’t take responsibility it actually makes you physically weaker and you stay in the victim role. It has the same effect as lying.

Blame inflates your ego, with “I’m never wrong, I’m always right” attitude. That was the same attitude many despots and dictators have and had. Then when the Poor Me’s get involved you end up blaming yourself “I never get anything right, it’s all my fault” Woe is me!!

So what do we do now?

 

Responsibility Blog 3

Take ownership: of everything and keep doing it, even when you are not at fault, take responsibility: My son told a little lie the last day, which I ended up being blamed for. I could have scolded him for lying, but I thought, why get him into trouble and it was only a little white lie and wasn’t important.

Let go: of things that are not that important, really ask yourself, is it worth all the agro just so you can justify yourself.

Don’t take yourself or anyone else too seriously: Life is too short to hold silly resentments.

You will still be confronted with the trials of life, but look at each trial as a challenge, an experience a part of this wonderful journey we call life.

Be a survivor.

Tony Robbins says to change the Metaphor, it is as simple as that, just be consistent.

I have found working on the web has been a huge challenge for me as it has taken me right outside of my comfort zone and slam dunked me into what was one of my biggest fears – The internet. I still get overwhelmed with the amount of info to take in, but rather than lose the head and blame, take responsibility and ask for help. At the end of the day, the internet is only a thing, as is my laptop.

For anyone who is prone to blame and make excuses, just remember, it is fear based and you are its victim, It’s time to break free and do something that challenges you. Online marketing will definitely do that for you and it’s a damn site less risky than Bunge jumping.

Call to Action
Call to Action

I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself. What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind). The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through on line marketing. I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of SFM, I am working my way through it. The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum. If you want to learn what I am learning and are in a point in your life where you want to change, then I offer you, through my mentors, a no obligation FREE 7 day video series to watch.

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Six Figure Mentors

REF:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201509/5-reasons-we-play-the-blame-game
http://www.success.com/article/15-motivational-quotes-to-stop-making-excuses
https://www.coachingpositiveperformance.com/avoid-making-excuses/
http://www.andersonleadershipsolutions.com/the-difference-between-an-excuse-and-a-reason/
http://baird-group.com/articles/breaking-the-cycle-of-denial-responses-to-3-common-excuses
https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/excuses
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Unplug from the Net, not your family – Getting Balance in Entrepreneurship

 

Time for Change
Time for Change

Unplug from the Net, not your family – Getting Balance in Entrepreneurship

I came across SFM by default a month ago, as I have been watching self-improvement videos on YouTube and although 99% of the time, I’d skip the ads, this 1% I decided to watch it and one month later, I’m an Elite+ Member. All exciting stuff.

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“What a victory”, again!!

Irish Rugby Logo

Irish Rugby Logo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUqay4K58Hg
History was made

I posted this article after The Irish Rugby Team life won the Grand slam, but they’ve gone even better than that when on 17th November 2018, they beat the Almighty All Blacks, on home turf. History was made yesterday and every person with Irish blood, including those living in New Zealand, are so very proud of our boys in green. “What a victory, again!!

Continue reading ““What a victory”, again!!”

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